The first year of fatherhood
“I really wanted to join and foster community at the same time.”
Ask Jack Neary about parenthood, and he’ll tell you that “being a dad has felt like joining a club in a lot of ways.”
Right when he welcomed his son, Henry, Jack also launched Dad Mag to write about and celebrate dads at all stages of the parenting journey. “Becoming a first-time dad, I really wanted to join and foster community at the same time,” he added.
Now, with his first Father’s Day—and Henry’s first birthday—around the corner, Jack is reflecting on all the joy that’s unfolded over the past year. “As cliché as it sounds, it’s crazy how fast time flies. You get the updates from the photo app that say, ‘Here’s Henry 10 months ago,’ and I realize that’s not the same baby.”
This weekend, Jack is excited about having a normal day with a focus on family, but that hasn’t stopped him from dreaming about future celebrations—from beach outings to playing golf together. “I’m excited about Father’s Days where Henry will make something at school, help with breakfast, or contribute in some way. I know that my wife will make everything special, but I’m looking forward to future iterations where Henry is more aware of me as his dad.”
In the meantime, Jack chatted with us about Dad Mag and how his own father shaped his parenting. He also shared a recent dad diary, featuring joyful moments spent with Henry.
Parenthood opens your heart in ways that you can’t fathom before you do it. There are little milestones along the way—especially during pregnancy—where it starts to get more real, and you start to imagine it. Once the baby is here, and there’s obviously more interaction between the two of you, it keeps growing. I think a lot about that line between pre-parenthood and post-parenthood, especially as it relates to my friends who became parents before me. They were probably shaking their heads, thinking, “Just wait until your life changes.” It’s different, but better in a lot of ways.
It’s trippy to think about how many different versions of my son there will be, but I’ll never forget the first time he smiled at me. There’s such an intense period in the first month or two where you’re just trying to keep this baby alive and asking, “Hello, do you know what’s going on?” (He didn’t—fair enough!) But a couple of months in, I could feel Henry’s eyes focusing on me… and he started to smile. As that recognition grew, I could start doing things to elicit those amazing smiles and laughs. The opening up of that two-way street was a major inflection point. I realized, “Oh, okay, we’re going to be buddies now. This is going to be awesome, and it’s only going to get better.”
In terms of father figures, my dad is someone whom I’ve definitely looked up to for a long time. I think back to a lot of lessons he taught me, especially in the way he showed up. I have really fond memories of him coaching my hockey team and attending tennis matches. At a time when it was probably less common to check out of work early, he always made that a priority. He also always made sure kids of all different skill levels were getting equal playing time. He would bring this handmade poster board to every practice and keep track of the stats, and always make sure to call out something nice about everyone on the team. I noticed his parenting extend to the community and to other people’s kids. So the way that he was a father figure not just at home, but with other people he saw maybe once or twice a week, is definitely a huge inspiration to me and something I’m trying to emulate as Henry gets older.
All you want to talk about is your kid, but you have to catch yourself. That’s why I started Dad Mag. I knew parenthood was going to be such a transformational experience, and there would be so much to write about. I’m always writing with the intent to put out an idea that other people respond to. I also wanted to find a way to not only relate to the guys who were going through similar milestones at the same time as me, but also connect with those who had older kids and could pass down some of their hard-earned knowledge.
It’s funny, Dad Mag was literally born at the same time as my son. It’s exciting to also be thinking about the one-year anniversary of this project, and the fact that I’ve been able to keep up with it alongside all the demands of being a new parent. The through-line is that both are important to me—obviously, Henry is most important. But it’s a full life I’m after and what I want to share and model for Henry as well. It’s not as if I said, “I need to leave a legacy for my son, and that’s going to be Dad Mag,” but I’ve realized keeping up with it and making space for the things that make me happy—whether that’s time with my family or writing for myself—is something that I’d like to pass down to him.
“Parenthood opens your heart in ways that you can’t fathom before you do it.”
Diary of a Dad 🕑
Morning
My wife and I trade who will get up with Henry, so the other person can sleep in a little if they want to. We’ve mostly been trying to get up at the same time and get ready for the day. I’ve never been a morning person, but parenthood has really forced me to become one. The really cool thing about being woken up by a human alarm clock is that you just can’t be mad. As soon as I see Henry rolling around in his crib, any stress fades away.
I wake up and… and I can hear Henry!
Every morning Henry… and I like to say good morning to the sun.
Joy looks like… the whole family—including Birdie (our dog!)—in one bed.
Afternoon
Henry goes to daycare a block away. My wife and I text about him throughout the workday, or I look at pictures of him. As I mentioned, his birthday is coming up, and I want to find some pictures from each month that we can print out and show his progression throughout the year. It’s very true that when you’re not with your kid, you’re still thinking about them.
A midday reset includes… a nap for everyone.
Errands and activities range from… pulling things off the shelves at Trader Joe’s to swinging at the park.
Joy sounds like… Henry laughing at Birdie. They have a really funny relationship—and he thinks Birdie is really funny. For some reason, Henry also thinks it’s the most hilarious thing in the world when my wife straightens her hair. We haven’t quite figured that one out, but it never fails to make him laugh!
Night
Usually, I walk back over and pick Henry up. We’re really into the swings these days, so we’ll go to the park, and I’ll push him in the swing. After, we’ll meet up with Henry’s mom and hang out at home. The evening routine is a little more of the morning in reverse. Then it’s bath time, which is a ton of fun—but he’s in the splashing phase, so we’ve got to be prepared for that—followed by a book and bedtime.
As soon as I wrap up work, Henry and I… take off in the stroller and try to find something new in our neighborhood.
No bedtime routine is complete without… trying to read Goodnight Moon and only getting to the third page.
Joy feels like… closing Henry’s bedroom door softly behind me.
“Becoming a first-time dad, I really wanted to join and foster community at the same time.”
This interview has been edited for clarity and length. Photos courtesy of Jack Neary.
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